Let’s face it, we all have an escape plan for when the zombies come. We all know how to dodge them, get to a car and drive to an abandoned supermarket where you’ll spend the rest of your days eating cans of noodle-roni and reading Us Weekly. It’s been mapped out in dozens of film and I think, like your standard fire escape route, we always check each room for widows to jump out of and sharp object to impale undead brains in a pinch.

I’m taking this one step further (or farther. I get them mixed up in a pre-zombie world where this stuff matters.) and saying that on some subconscious level want this to happen. Sure there will be that initial shock when some dude runs up and eats a guy next to you, but after that fades there’ll be excitement. I think most people will think, “FINALLY!” The fact of the matter is we don’t like 90% the people we know. So at least when they are undead you can either completely avoid them without it being awkward or just blast their heads off. Either way, you’re left alone.

Zombie World will also give you the chance to finally tackle that big creative thing you’ve always wanted to. We all want to be artists, we just don’t have the time. There’s always some jerk-ass wanting us to stack, file or sort something. In Zombie Land, he just wants to eat you. With him out of the picture, you can finally write that novel, paint that picture or shoot that film (All supermarkets have generators with ample supplies of fuel. But you should probably take your Mac and a camera just to be stocked up.) And while you might say, “Who will I show this to (Correct grammar for that sentence might be “To whom”, but in Zombie World, all usage is correct as English teachers are corpses)? If everyone is (un)dead, who will appreciate it?”

Well, we all know that there will be some walled up city somewhere full of similar minded survivalists. They’ll be hungry for art and artists, seeing as how all they do is kill zombies and eat rats. When you’ve finished you project, you make your way (carefully) to non-zombie-city and get welcomed as a cultural hero, reminding humanity what sets them apart from the undead, besides a functioning reason center of the brain. Women will make love to you almost non-stop, men will kneel before you. Life, for you, will finally be what you’ve always wanted it to be.

Of course, eventually even that city will get overrun by the zombies thanks to some other jerkass who leaves a door open while making love to some girl. So it’s probably a good idea to keep your escape plan active even then, only this time, take the women too.

This model has been untested with the current “Fast” zombies. So I’d probably just plan on wearing running shoes all the time or sticking around people who are slower than you.