Gods of Egypt is a likable mess, that is, if you’re able to endure cartoonish dialogue and a heavy dose of green screen fatigue. Directed by Alex Proyas, (The Crow and I, Robot) the film takes place in a fictional Egypt where gods and mortals co-exist. A visual feast it’s not. Instead we get budget oriented visuals on par with a $39 video game. Unfortunately, that’s not the worst part of it.

How this production got the green light is a mystery to me. It’s as if the writers decided to rip off Clash of Titans and regurgitate it into a whitewashed Egyptian mess. Gods of Egypt would be perfectly fine on the Syfy Channel, rubbing elbows with the likes of Sharknado and Lavalantula. In fact, Syfy Channel has had a treasure trove of likable messes that are wonderful after a few adult beverages.

So, why does this movie exist on the fabled “big screen”? I gotta believe the suits at Lions Gate had to know it was a steamy poop stinker before releasing it. In fact, someone should’ve made the call to distribute the film direct to video or even Syfy.

Gulp, too late.

The plot is simple enough. Gods of Egypt brings the god of light Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and a mortal named Bek (Brenton Thwaites) together to fight the evil god Set (Gerard Butler). In his quest to become omnipotent, Set betrays all of the gods by stealing their powers in order to destroy the underworld and live forever. Gee, that almost sounds like The Infinity Gauntlet. The actors had to realize this film was on par with a B budgeted scifi film. Try as they might, the dialogue is so bad that even Sir Alec Guiness would have struggled with the cheesy lines. Yet, there I was enduring the film and dare I say, enjoying it in a “Planet 9 after a few drinks” kind of way.

So, despite all of it’s faults, (and there are so many!) the kid in me had fun with the basic good versus evil trope. After-all, watching a giant man-eagle in combat with a minotaur is always delightful no matter how schlocky it is.

In this spectacular action-adventure inspired by the classic mythology of Egypt, the survival of mankind hangs in the balance as an unexpected mortal hero Bek [Brenton Thwaites] undertakes a thrilling journey to save the world and rescue his true love. In order to succeed, he must enlist the help of the powerful god Horus [Nikolaj Coster-Waldau] in an unlikely alliance against Set [Gerard Butler], the merciless god of darkness, who has usurped Egypt’s throne, plunging the once peaceful and prosperous empire into chaos and conflict. As their breathtaking battle against Set and his henchmen takes them into the afterlife and across the heavens, both god and mortal must pass tests of courage and sacrifice if they hope to prevail in the epic final confrontation.

Cast: Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Brenton Thwaites, Chadwick Boseman, Elodie Yung, Courtney Eaton, with Gerard Butler and Geoffrey Rush
Directed by: Alex Proyas
Written by: Matt Sazama & Burk Sharpless