Following an outpouring of love, encouragement, and touching personal accounts of my previous movies commentary changing people’s lives, I was shamed into doing a follow-up. My thinking was to employ the same tone of irreverence, humor, and insightfully biting comments as my first piece, but upon some consideration I decided that would be a bad idea. Should readers get another dose, they might become addicted and start demanding weekly segments. Mind you, had I the talent, it would be no big deal to provide for the rabid fans, but I, unlike many Hollywood script writers, know my limitations. Still, I’ll go to the proverbial inkwell once more and see what effluent flows for the entertainment of the multitudes.
So, movies… as previously stated I wait for the DVD releases to be available, eschewing the theater experience for the comfort of my sofa, the availability of reasonably priced snacks, and the absence of rude people who take great pleasure in drawing my mostly silent maledictions. Here are my impressions on movies I’ve watched in recent memory, all anchored on absolutely no insight into what audiences like to watch.
Death Race — It’s no secret I am partial to action movies. Whatever the premise, all I ask is some continuity in the plot, semi-plausible action, and a hero who looks capable in the role. This movie delivers on all three counts. Some of the characters have the substance of cardboard, but Statham makes up for it with his usual understated intensity. I’ve liked Joan Allen in the Bourne movies, and she’s been passable in other efforts. Unfortunately, I think she was miscast in this part. She did not exude the menace of a ruthless ice-queen bent on personal-gains-at-the-expense-of-all-others this role called for. This movie, like most action movies, is somewhat predictable but entertaining. I should mention there is a certain amount of gore, but perhaps the title is already an indication of that fact.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor — I had originally heard this movie sucked, but then I heard that no, it was good; perhaps the best of the three. “Damn!” said I, “I should have gone to see it at the movies!” I patiently waited for the DVD to come out, anticipating a feast of sweeping action, witty banter, and another supernatural-based plot anchored to the real world by feisty and capable hero and heroine. I’m now racking my brain to remember who said it was the best of the three movies. No, I’m not mad; I just think the man needs help.
The movie starts out sweeping enough, and I am a fan of Michelle Yeoh, so I was looking forward to the movie carrying me on an entertaining ride. The first disappointment is Fraser… it seemed as if he really did not care to be there; then again, perhaps he was embarrassed by the lines he had. The biggest disappointment is Maria Bello. I like the actress, but not in this role; I think someone told her she had to try and mimic the mannerism and speech pattern of Rachel Weisz, and the result seems forced, fake, and out of character with her screen presence. The O’Connell’s son apparently lived up to the promise shown in the second film; unfortunately the promise was to grow up from being an annoying kid to being an annoying adult. “Ah,” you say, “but the plot salvages everything, right?” You’re kidding right? It’s a Mummy movie; if the actors don’t carry the film, the plot hasn’t got a prayer. To give them some credit, they did throw everything at it to see if anything stuck; fiery horses, three-headed dragons, mummies, Yetis, a pottery army, immortal women, planes… I guess as entertainment goes this Mummy movie probably beats Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but only because there is no nuclear-proof refrigerator.
The Dark Knight — I liked this movie, but not enough to own it, although it’s probably worth a watch every few years. I went to see this movie in IMAX, and I must say it was worth the experience. I rented it when it came out in Blu-Ray, but worried it would not carry well to the small screen. I ended up enjoying it at home as well. I think Ledger stole the movie, Gyllenhaal was miscast, and Eckhardt did a passable job in a role that could easily been left out of the script. Based on the movies I’ve seen of Bale, I think he is overrated as an actor; he has but one expression, and it seems to involve trying to convey some sort of intestinal discomfort. Still, I think this movie beats the heck out of Batman Begins, and all prior versions of Batman with the possible exception of the Michael Keaton’s 1989 portrayal. Of course, that version suffered from a cartoonish Joker.
Wanted — I did want to see this movie in the theater, but life’s events conspired to keep me from wasting the seven bucks. Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was a worthwhile rental, but I would have been disappointed had I ventured out among the public to see this movie. I was even prepared to accept “curving the bullet”, as I thought perhaps it meant a small deviation from a straight line. That would be theoretically possible if one could move their hands incredibly fast and with precise timing… but no, these guys were talking of literally curving the bullet so that it followed an arc. Still, this was an action movie, and it did have action. I was also thankful it did not follow the graphic novel a whole lot beyond the premise. The graphic novel was darker and cynical. And pretentious; did I mention pretentious? Anyway, the movie has a small twist, the plot sort of holds together, and there is plenty of action. There’s some gore, some “kids, don’t try this at home” scenes, and some protracted scenes of violence I suppose are trying to prove a point beyond “Hey, look; we gots lots of fake blood!!” Whatever the point, I missed it, but the movie still qualifies as a passable effort to provide mindless entertainment.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian — I thought the first movie was lacking… that’s it, just lacking. This movie builds on that trend. I have not read the books, so I don’t know if the books make more sense than the movie. I suppose there is a moral somewhere in there, but I did not care enough to figure out what it was. I did notice the feisty kids, the whining prince, the doomed bad guy, the treacherous — and also doomed — other bad guys, and the all-powerful lion that never explains to any satisfaction why he did nothing to prevent the place going into ruin, nothing to prevent countless from dying and suffering, and waited a thousand years to call on some kids for help. There are a couple of neat scenes, but stupid antics and supposed-to-be-clever dialogue robbed them of any worth they might have had. The effects are as one would expect these days, but like in many movies this one borders on being nothing more than a vehicle to show how well the CGI artists can render fur. Perhaps their efforts will eventually extend to an incredible depiction of a certain inbox.
For those who missed the reference, you really should listen to the Slice of SciFi podcasts as there’s no way I’ll explain it here. I suspect kids probably liked this movie because they are poor judges of plot development, continuity, and character development; all they focus on are the fantastic creatures coming to life on the screen. Adult fans of SG-1 can tune in to see a primitive form of the Stargate, but you have to sit through the whole movie for a glimpse of the thing… it looks organic, and there is no big whoosh when it activates; sort of vapid, really.
Hancock — I liked this movie. I liked the premise, and I liked the execution. I’m ambiguous about the casting, but overall I think it worked. From the previews I was expecting a comedy, so I was pleasantly surprised to find more substance to the movie. Once past the first twenty minutes of the film I liked the chemistry of the actors as they presented a different take to what it would be like to be a superhero in modern times. The comedic portions of the movie were well done and funny. I especially liked the short scene of Hancock “testing” Mary in the Embrey’s kitchen. I was less partial to the resolution, but it was an interesting premise. The only quibble I have is with the villains; now, I know many villains are not the masterminds portrayed in the movies, but the movie went out of its way to drive the point home. The prison scene was especially stupid; what kind of idiot goes up against a person with known superpowers? And not just in the prison scene; repeatedly various bad guys challenge Hancock knowing full well who he was and what he was capable of doing. While I can’t say I am privy to the workings of the criminal mind, I think the movie wanted to present the opposite view of the sinister and capable criminal mind showcased in Dark Knight… probably why none of these bad guys were nominated for Oscars.
Speed Racer — I was curious about this movie, but had little to no expectations.The movie satisfied the first, and amply met the later. I used to watch the cartoon Speed Racer way back when the choices for entertainment were severely limited (why I used to read more back then). Really, back then I was more interested in 8 Man, and they just happened to be in the same hour block. Frankly, I liked 8 Man much more. I envied his built-in video recorder; I always fantasized it would be cool to win arguments by replaying what people actually said and did, and… sorry, I digress.
Speed Racer the movie rests entirely on the racing action. The plot is thin, the acting is OK but uninspired, but they did put a lot of effort into the racing action. Frankly, since I know who eventually wins — who always wins — it’s not much of a suspenseful thing to watch. Plus, not being a fan of racing to begin with, I missed out on the impact of vaulting cars, spiked tires, and various mechanisms allowing cars to defy physics and transcend the limitation of mere metal and rubber. I wish I could say I was entertained, but really, mostly I was bored. The only thing that kept me watching was laziness; it was a Friday night, I was tired, and it was too much effort to get up and change the DVD. Had it been a Saturday night, I would have gotten up to swap in one of the Firefly discs.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army — Another movie I had hoped to see in theaters. I liked the first one, and had great hopes for the sequel. Hope these days, as reflected in real life, brings you nothing but disappointment, and so it was with this movie. This is the kind of movie I expect to dwell only superficially on emotionally charged issues, and be anchored instead in the epic battles between good and evil, the narrowly averted destruction of mankind, and the cavalier attitude with which the namesake hero faces the perilous challenges thrown his way. Instead, we get something that not only aims at being a vehicle for soap-opera-like relationships, but tries to walk a fine line between camp and tragedy. That particular line is so fine the movie loses track of it as it wanders all over the place in search of a purpose and some redeeming quality. Sadly, it never manages to find either.
Journey to the Center of the Earth — This movie was marketed as being shown in 3-D, which was enough to make me want to wait for the DVD release. Again, some reviewer I read hinted at it being a fun ride and worth seeing. I’m guessing it was the same reviewer who lauded the third Mummy movie, and my only conclusion is the person has some sort of crush on Fraser. I’ll admit Fraser’s performance in this movie was marginally better than in the Mummy. Certainly it was better than Pat Boone’s performance in the 1959 version, but that is not saying much.
This version did give a few nods to the original, but quickly tried to go way beyond it. Apparently they had some extra footage from Jurassic Park, and felt compelled to use it here. There is also the obligatory mine car thrill ride we’re sure to see duplicated in some theme park or other. And it must have been traveling at some speed because during the course of the movie the small group manages to make it from Iceland all the way to Naples; 2,200 miles in something less than a week, most of it spent on foot. Of course, there are also many scenes aimed at reminding the home audience about the fact this was made as a 3-D movie. We have unusually low camera angles and scenes shot in such a way to make the theater audience remember they are watching a movie exploiting a technology gimmick. At home it came across as out of place and intrusive to the story. Sadly, I’m thinking we’ll have more of this kind of thing to look forward to as many studios are committed to offering audiences the 3-D experience whether they want it or not. I will admit to the movie holding some of my interest as I looked for parallels to the 1959 version, and the dynamics of the actors were OK when not dealing with stupid plot points or gratuitous 3-D-facilitated scenes. But this was a one-time journey, and one with few good memories.
Bonus Movie Review: City of Ember — This movie had a lot of promise, and carried my interest for most of the movie. I even looked past the laconic Bill Murray, concentrating on the story as it advanced through the eyes of the young protagonists. On a side note, we appear to have the answer to whiny teenagers; put them underground with the threat of doomsday hanging over their head. The characters were refreshingly able despite their young age; much more so than the two-dimensional adult characters surrounding them.The movie did a pretty good job of building the suspense, building to a climax promised to be of wondrous proportions. Then, like many movies, it remembered it had to end somehow. They pulled out the Trite Cliché Endings Manual, Second Edition, and came up with that venerable substitute for the Steve McQueen car chase, the water slide. Interestingly, the city was deep underground, and the water slide took them even deeper at some sustained speed and steep angle, but eventually to reach the surface all they had to do was climb a few flights of stairs. The ending was anti-climactic, resolved little, and left some big plot holes exposed for all to see. I’d go into it but I don’t want to spoil it for people who may still want to watch it. Once again, I imagine the book had a better treatment of the story, and it failed to translate to the screen; another testimonial to reading being the better choice than watching movies.
And there you have it; my take on some of the movies of interest to the SciFi fan base. Of course, unlike many critics who get invited to early screenings, I’m writing after the fact. The majority of people who might be interested in these movies have long moved on to newer projects, and some of these newer projects hold the same promise these movies originally did; to entertain, to amuse, and to provide us with an escape into wondrous imaginary worlds. Hopefully these newer projects will be lesser disappointments than most of these movies.
But really, although these movies have been out for a while, I write for the many people in this world who like to be told what to think. I hope I have provided for the needs of said people, and look forward to their grateful adulation and praise.
Samantha says
Sorry but even “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” at its worst was not as bad as “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor”.
ejdalise says
Oh, I don’t know . . . I suppose it’s a matter of taste and expectations.
I thought Crystal Skull took itself a little too seriously. Plus, presenting itself as ground in reality and science as opposed to fantasy (as much as one can call that reality and science), the scenes like the car chase through the jungle, the man-carrying ants, and floating-car-over-the-falls all combined to annoy me much more than anything in the Mummy.
Plus, I have to give the plot edge to the Mummy; as nonsensical as that was, I still thought it was head and shoulders above what passed for a plot in Crystal Skull.
And finally, my rating could be borne out of having had a greater disappointment with Crystal Skull than Dragon Emperor. I went to see Crystal Skull at the theater, and dragged my wife along . . . I’m still trying to make up for that, and will consider myself lucky if I can salvage my marriage. Well, got to go; duty calls.
TallGrrl says
Dude. Movies are meant to be seen in a MOVIE THEATRE.
You should see a film in a theatre at least once before you take it home to pick it apart….I mean “review” it.
If you’re just reviewing a film from watching it on your TV, I don’t care what kind of set up you have at home. It’s not the same experience.
As far as “Wanted” is concerned: You’re kidding me, right? You really had a problem with the whole curving bullets thing? Because it’s impossible to do??
Really?
Wow.
ejdalise says
I’ll grant the experience is not the same, mostly for the reasons I mentioned. But I’ll contend movies should be judged mainly on plot and acting. I find it difficult to notice any difference in the story, or its telling, from when I view it at the theater versus when I am home. That goes both for movies I like and movies I don’t like.
But, it’s a big world, and opinions differ. I’ll promise this: when I’m a famous movie critic, and studios court my opinion by providing passes to premieres, I will take it under serious consideration to go to the theater for every movie I review. Meanwhile, I’ll stick with judicious, and limited, exposure to the adoring public.
As far as Wanted, I admit . . . the tapestry was much more of a problem for me. A tapestry? A Loom? Binary code? I get the reference to the Fates, but frankly I would have thought these days it would be done by e-mail.
Seriously, these guys were not presented as being able to affect physical laws, so yeah, the curving bullet bothered me. Annoyed is a more accurate term. All they had to do is say they had telekinesis and I’m on board. But really, it was a minor point, and I did say I enjoyed the movie; “enjoyed” meaning I did not have the urge to “curve” the DVD across the street.
Kyle says
I’ll agree with Hancock. I do wish there had been a bit more about where they came from, Theron and Smith, but I enjoyed the interplay as the plot went forward. Questions arose such as why they lost powers when together that I didn’t feel were adequately explained but hey it was a movie so I suspended my belief and enjoyed the flick.
Speed Racer was a large disappointment. As I have aged breaking the laws of physics, non-super hero movies, makes me pissed. Its just me but if you aren’t in a different universe than mine then physics should rule!
Keep it up Emilio, your getting there. 😉 (that is a wink for the emoticon haters, cough you cough.)