Before I begin this review I first have to be totally honest and say that I am not the world’s greatest horror movie fan. I like them well enough, but prefer a sci-fi or fantasy B-movie over most chiller-thrillers, especially those that have been produced over the last 15 or so years.

Most of today’s horror films rely far too much on slash, burn, cut, rip and gore, all the while the story is either lost in the mayhem or never existed at all. This is a trend that started with the first Friday the 13th film in the 1980’s and shows little sign of letting up anytime soon. Whatever happen to great scary suspense filmmaking on the order of Alfred Hitchcock? No, while I remain a fan of horror novels, the big screen SCARE holds little enticement for me — but, I digress. With that backdrop in place I’ll now forge ahead with my take on Tony Giglio’s “Timber Falls,” which becomes available on DVD May 13, 2008 starring Beth Broderick and Nick Searcy.

The story revolves around a young couple in love (when doesn’t modern horror films center on a young couple, or two…or three). These young folk are hiking in the mountains and while the young lady is skinny-dipping alone in the lake is kidnapped by a serial killing religious nut-case and taken to his family’s inbred cabin. Eventually the couple are forced to become unwilling participants in a bizarre satanic bloody ritual.

The movie doesn’t waste any time displaying its shock-value. It opens with another young couple, the woman lying spread-eagled on a cross-shaped bed, gagged, bloodied, with her hands splayed out in crucified fashion with sharp knives penetrating her palms.

The rest of the 89 minutes of the film isn’t too difficult to figure out from that opening scene, but I sat through it anyway just to be fair to the production company that sent me the DVD to review before its release next week. Fortunately, if you’re reading this, you can be spared 90 minutes you’ll never get back.

To make the film not come off as a total loser, Mr. Giglio does allow our hero and heroine to finally get even with the baddies, though he leaves the film with the worn-out standard slasher close-out for an unneeded and, dare I say, unwanted sequel.

There is an old adage: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Good advice.

The best I can do for “Timber Falls” is give it a 1 out of 5 rating.