Totally Frakked: Heroes – Human Steak Bomb

The Heroes head off into reruns until January 22, 2007, but not before carpet-bombing the battlefield with cliffhangers — the big, the small, and the eerily profound. After last episode’s meander through the past, “Fallout” chugs a shot of adrenaline-laced espresso before that first fade-in, and buzzes at a dizzying speed right up until the closing credits.

Monday nights, most of us sluggish working spuds would agree, are the toughest to soldier through when the siren’s-song of the bed calls out following a hard day’s work. Curse your dark souls, NBC, for forcing us to stay awake for one of the finest hours of viewing on the TV schedule. “Fallout” no doubt left more than one sleep-deprived insomniac tossing and turning in anticipation of the next new installment. It was one of those “blink and you’ll miss something” delights.

Jessie’s got a gun! Everybody run! Peter is being held for questioning by the local fuzz in connection with the homecoming bloodbath. Mirroring Peter’s imprisonment, uber-villain Sylar finds himself on the other side of a seemingly-impenetrable glass wall, à la Hannibal Lecter. Hunky cop Matt and Agent Audrey are hot on the trail of the power-sucking baddie, unaware that he’s being held by the troika of Daddy Bennet, the Haitian, and Eden. Speaking of the coquettish Eden, who looks like ’80s crooner Sheena Easton (of the “Morning Train” anthem and James Bond classic, “For Your Eyes Only”), she is revealed as the victim foreshadowed to meet an untimely death. Finally, we are given an ominous glimpse into the looming destruction of New York City.

Crazy Niki’s dead doppelganger Jessica pumps a round into D.L.’s shoulder, then takes aim at his head. D.L. shifts just in time, and the next bullet flies through, popping the tire of his SUV. He and Micah bolt for the woods, with Jessica in hot pursuit. Peter, soaked in blood, sits in a jail cell, thinking he’s failed to save Claire, until Matt and Audrey inform him that Sylar killed the wrong cheerleader. Matt scans Peter’s thoughts and confirms he’s one of the good guys, something Claire already knows. She and Daddy Bennet arrive to speak with Peter. He becomes Claire’s touchstone, a true hero, as she struggles to hold her sanity together — not an easy thing, given that everybody around her seems to be forgetting the crazy events of the past several months. We, of course, know it’s all Daddy B. and the Haitian’s doing. But Claire doesn’t — until the Haitian corners her, ratting out his boss while also forging a new alliance with the invulnerable cheerleader.

Hiro and Ando at long last meet up with Isaac, who has returned to his roots of creating art for fun, not prophecy (or so it would seem). The boys prompt him to foretell what is to come in New York City, and Isaac’s eyes go boiled-fish-white as his muse takes over. The result is a study that shows Hiro fending off a Godzilla-sized horror with a magical sword.

Elsewhere, Sheena Eden emotes that the only way to ensure Claire’s safety is to have Sylar kill himself. Daddy B. pooh-poohs the notion, but Sheena Eden forges on with the plan in secret. She tells Sylar that she is going to use her powers of persuasion on him. Not missing a beat, Sylar pummels through that wall of bulletproof glass with the ease of a contestant on “The Price is Right” facing the Punchboard. He grabs hold of Sheena Eden’s wrist and readies to feed. Before he can absorb her powers, Sheena Eden turns the gun on herself and fires. A sad ending for a tragic hero. Worse, the bungle once again turns Sylar loose on the unsuspecting Evolutionaries.

Suffering the same crippling headaches as Matt, Peter experiences a vision that posits him back in a deserted New York City with the rest of the Heroes. He begins to glow from within, and flames shoot forth from his pores. The rest of the Evolutionaries run in fear from him, all save brother Nathan. Peter jolts awake back in his holding cell with the understanding that he’s a living thermonuclear device, and that Nathan might be his only chance to save the world from the horrors to come.

And now the wait begins. Bastards!

Coming 01.22.07: Matt body-slams Daddy B. to the wall after uncovering the truth about his shadowy machinations, Nathan asks whether a human being can cause a biological explosion, and Mo-handsome’s quest to unite the Evolutionaries represented on the stringboard pulls together… perhaps into a noose.