Critics are not happy with the vampire musical from Elton John and Bernie Taupin. “Lestat,” starring Hugh Panaro opened on Broadway this week and the critics of the “Great White Way” brought their stakes and spared little time in trying to lay this one to rest before the next full moon.

The play tells the familiar tale of vampirism in 18th and 19th Century Paris with shifts into the rites in New Orleans. Those who attended the opening were pretty unanimous in proclaiming that the music and lyrics fell short of anything that will ever live as long as the legend of Lestat himself.

About the only thing critics enjoyed was the light show spectacle that accompanied John’s music.

Here are just a splattering (pardon the pun) of the reviews that spewed from the unsatisfied critics:

“…terribly undercooked Rice pudding…..The latest toothless vampire musical…..bloody awful…..neck-biting sessions that, yawn, leave marks but no real impression…..if it had more bite, it wouldn’t be so draining…..a musical only the chief accountant of a blood bank could love….fangs but no fangs.” – Michael Sommers, New Jersey Star Ledger.

“Ah, yes, the seductive smell of death. In the case of Lestat, that will come through the perfume of paper. Upon which is etched a closing notice…….Lestat shows a few twitches of the life that might have been….” – Chris Jones, Chicago Tribune

“it’s not a life fit for a dog, let alone a bat,” – Clive Barnes, New York Post.

The only thing good one might say about “Lestat” is that it isn’t quite as bad as Julia Roberts’ Broadway debut of “Three Days of Rain.” But then, she didn’t have a coffin to hide in.